XII - All Roads Lead To Munich

Life: A never-ending spiral of complexities and conundrums that just won't stop spinning until you either decide to plunge off a cliff or let your light extinguish naturally.

I remember my youth, a never-ending series of questions, mostly "Why can't I do _____?" and the answer was generally "Only grown-ups can". I always told myself that I couldn't wait to grow up, because then i'd get to stay up late, eat ice cream from a tub, go out after dark and do all kinds of cool stuff grown ups could only do.

These days, I only stay up late to apply for jobs and watch Dave into the early hours of the morning. I don't eat ice cream from a tub so much as drink tea by the gallon to soothe my jittery nerves before laying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, worrying about whether i'll get a job, move out or get a life or if the Tory parasites will take that final inch in the end. I don't go out after dark because the few times I do get promised to go out drinking, it's always a lie, that and I'd rather stable my bollocks to a moving ferris wheel then go out on the lash in Middlesbrough of all places. (Up in Scotland? I'd love to.)

Of course, I realised that this "cool stuff grown ups could only do" soon essentially translated to "Worry about money, worry about bills, worry about the future and worry about life" (Alright, I'll admit I don't have to worry about the second one, which is one of the positives about being a Jobseeker. Until they snap shut one of their trillions of loopholes and cut you off, all but outright killing you.) I've been told countless times I shouldn't be stressed, but why fucking not? To say I can't be stressed because i'm young is like saying I shouldn't be worried about a bowling ball smashing into my shin because at least it's not aimed at my skull: It's laughable reasoning, and it discounts a real threat that is harming young people across the country.

I'm stressed because I want--Nay, DESIRE some degree of independence. I want to do what my family never did, and travel. I want to see sights. I want to move to a foreign country, own a dog, and start a new slate, away from the bullying and stresses that scarred my years growing up.

And here's where the never-ending spiral of life's complexities kicks in: Independence is even more terrifying because those stresses magnify tenfold when you're on your own. And as this very blog heralds, my very desire to achieve independence and escape Britain.

Hang in there, it gets even more complex.

However, for me, independence is swiftly no longer becoming a choice, but rather a forced hand. Sounds odd, right? But it's just another stress compounded upon my shoulders. Once again, it's because of that goddamn Jobcentre.

A little known fact about me: I'm highly indecisive. Ask me to make a decision and I will spend hours thinking it over. When it came to a career, I never really knew what I wanted: When I was growing up (And for a period a few years ago), I wanted to be an astronaut. That dream was crushed when I was crap at Maths and realised that the odds were stacked against someone from Northern England. For a long time, my mind flitted between wrestling, writing or animal care. I took work experience in animal care, and though I still hold onto aspects of that dream, I realise I probably won't be able to get work in that field because I love animals too much and couldn't bare to put them down or the like.

After that point, from around 16, I wanted to go into writing. But I swiftly realised you can't make a career out of writing from the get-go. J.K Rowling, one of my largest inspirational figures, spent a long period on her life, prior to writing Harry Potter, on benefits, continuously jobless and depressed, but she still emerged from the other end: She went from being broke and hopeless without a leg to stand on, to one of the richest women in the world. She flitted from destination to destination, juggling caring for her child and writing. Many writers often hold careers as they write: Jim Butcher, off the top of my head, working as a computer support technician while writing the Dresden Files. (In the introduction to White Night, however, it states he turned to a career in writing, so he's probably transitioned from it supporting his career into a full-blown career)

I still want to be a writer. Those plans are still there, written out, and I fully plan to try and push a novel through to publication. If Rowling can hit rock bottom and bounce back ferociously to seize the literary world by storm, surely a hopeless, luckless North-Eastern kid can do the same?

However, now i've found out what's going to support me while writing.

Teaching English as a Foreign Language.

On my first signing on session, I made the grave mistake of stating that TEFL was an option. The Jobcentre, not realising that option is not interchangeable with complete goddamn decision, quickly decided that they would pursue it vigorously. On my last sign-on session, they palmed me off to a government loan company, told me to give them a call, and sign onto a TEFL course. That was that.

I spent almost 10 years trying to wonder what my career would be. Jobcentre decided it in a month. If I don't follow through, they'll probably take my kneecaps anyway.

Part of me is hesitant do it. It was an OPTION, a little extra. A little something to do while finding my feet. It was a background thought to stop my brain from killing itself with stress: "You may be a Northerner and your prospects look utterly bleak, but the good news is that there's an option there." See, though I want independence, there's a difference between achieving it on your own terms and being jettisoned into it by means of a cannon.

Part of me wanted to teach English in Japan.Too bad it's likely i'll end up in China.

It's all come so quick that my heads reeling: This is it. This is actually it. 

It's funny how life works: See, when I talk of life's complexities, here's another. My dream was always to travel the world, but now that it looks like my dream COULD technically come true (Pass TEFL, and the doors blow open), I'm fucking terrified. I don't know what to do beyond scratching at a door and waiting for time to pass. It would probably be easier if I gained independence here, at least I would know what to expect, but in China? Thailand? South Korea? I'm so out of my depth i'm going to need kiddy swimming bands. It's not just a step into independence, but the unknown: You have to learn an entirely new culture, learn a new language, and try to fit in. While doing that, I'll also have to teach English: This won't just be an expat job of moving, but a case of two sides jostling for power internally: The English side that I so desperately want to shed but needs to be available, and the Nomad side that will need to scramble up to learn the ins and outs of the country and to help me survive without any help whatsoever.

I'm excited and terrified. I'm excified. Next year, possibly, I could be in China. My dream to escape Britain will have been fulfilled. But at the same time, I'm wondering how the hell i'll survive and cope. How i'll manage to struggle through daily life. And I loathe the idea that the Jobcentre is going to be the gigantic boot kicking my rear across the seas, rather than my own manapult flinging me to a far-away freedom.

My ultimate dream, for the record, is to become a citizen of Germany and live there as an author. So this is, in fact, a precursor to that dream. And it's terrifying. Terrifying that it's happening so quick and so fast that i've barely had time to comprehend it. I never really wanted to teach English to foreign children, but hell, it's a mandatory choice if I want to move, right? It's even more terrifying knowing i'll be going through the motions of TEFL, yet another educational course, with the ape of the Jobcentre latched onto my back and pounding me violently.

...And at the same time, escaping from Britain to China will allow me to finally shed the Jobcentre.

And it will be a precursor to my dream. Perhaps next month, my journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. All roads lead to Munich, and this could be my first step onto that road, and it's still utterly terrifying. I can't even do it really on my terms, but on the Jobcentre's terms. I don't know whether to thank them for kicking my rear, or to strangle them for slamming the sole of their boot against my rear and pushing me forward without time to wrap my head around a career I only thought about a few months ago.

 But It's time to stop being terrified.

In this tale of a Smoggy On The Run, all roads lead to Munich, and it's time to take the step.

I'll enter those countries like I entered this world---

No, wait, apparently I entered sedentary and spent my first hours chugging bottles of milk down.....That doesn't sound too bad, though........Ahem........Either way, time to man up. The dream begins here. I just wish it was on my terms.

But that's not how life, for all its complexities and conundrums, works.

And, to be quite honest, I doubt anyone would have it any other way.

XII - Can't Touch This (Cause You're Out-Of-Touch With Everything)

In my last entry, I pointed both barrels to the latest round of Tory Welfare Reforms, and their plan to treat the unemployed like prisoners and force them into Community Service, the equivalent of "DANCE, MONKEY! DANCE FOR YOUR DOLE!". Opening fire, my bullets consisted of the harsh logic that a one size fits all policy simply does not and has not worked for a country suffering from such engrained unemployment. When the Tory was wounded, I proceeded to swing my shotgun around and club him in the face with a butt that was engraved with the words "Look at Scandinavia. They actually tailor their programmes for the unemployed FOR the unemployed, spend more GDP actually helping the unemployed, and get a lot more in return".

The Tory fell down. As I turned around, however, the Tory got to his feet and opened his mouth.

"Under-25's will not be able to claim unemployment benefits on my watch!"

Time to reload the fucking shotgun.

To summarise:

David Cameron, in a speech so filled with American-style tripe of "Hope and Opportunity" that I was waiting for him to whip out his dick and go "MURRICA, FURRRKKK YEEAAHHHH", has promised to end unemployment benefits for under-25's.

One of my major, MAJOR complaints with Britain is the astounding lack of logic utilised by most Britons, who probably think logic is some kind of new Lebanese food you serve with hummus. Once again, our leader showcases the astounding lack of logic that really should single him out as a complete and utter dunce.

Here is my attempts to understand the thinking pattern of David Cameron:

1. Unemployed under-25's are on dole.
2. This means all unemployed under-25's actively make the choice to sponge off the dole.
3. Therefore, ban the dole for them.

Spot where the major logical hole is. CLUE: It's number 2.

It's the same logic utilised by too many Britons and which, as i've explored several times in this blog, is utterly laughable reasoning. So I won't actually go into it too much, because to do so would be wasting time and repeating myself (Just view my previous entry)

So, let me get started on examining Dave's goddamn speech.

Cameron stated this little ditty: "Instead we should give young people a clear, positive choice: Go to school. Go to college. Do an apprenticeship. Get a job."

1. After school and college, you either have to go into University or get an apprenticeship.
2. If you go into further education and get a degree, you can't DO an Apprenticeship.
3. Even after graduating from your Apprenticeship, there is no guarantee of a job.
4. IF PEOPLE COULD GET A FUCKING JOB, THE ENTIRE COUNTRY WOULD BE EMPLOYED

It's a constant and utterly tedious practice that is like slamming your head off of a wall to burrow to the other side. 

This saying of "Get a Job" is an utterly lazy way to dismiss people genuinely struggling with the spectre of unemployment. A completely abysmal practice of shrugging something off that shows you have no clue about how unemployment actually works.

It actually terrifies me, knowing that we have put someone into power who honestly believes people can just walk into jobs. Nobody can be that out-of-touch with reality and still alive, but not only is he still alive, THE BRITISH PEOPLE VOTED HIM INTO POWER!!

For people who don't know, the job situation in this country, and specifically the region of North East England, is increasingly dire: There are usually upwards of 100 applications per job, to the point where I enjoy pointing out a piece of information I was told regarding my application for a local ASDA, where they received 2,000 applications for 16 jobs.

Yeah, people can totally just walk into jobs.

As companies go bust, as the economy tanks, as the North continues to suffer, and as the job market grows hostile, this idea of being able to walk into some random workplace and claim a job is false. It's not possible. If you do (Trust me, I have tried literally walking into several stores, from high street chains to smaller stores, asking for a job or if they have vacancies), the answer's the same: Apply online. Send your CV online. Companies aren't willing to take in any random joe off the street.

The Apprenticeship route is a possible route, and is the only actual route where the opportunity of a gaining a job afterwards is technically possible, but even then it still isn't a guaranteed fix.

It's wishes and hopes from the Tory tossers. They obviously want to boost their figures, with their national apprenticeship schemes, by forcing youngsters into them, or else removing their dole.

But there's only so many Apprenticeships. And once you've done one, it's highly unlikely you can apply for a second one. So, once you've completed your apprenticeship, and you're unemployed because you haven't been taken on, what then?

No dole for you anyway.

 David also said: "So this is what we want to see: everyone under 25 - earning or learning."

Essentially, Cameron's plan is to force everyone under 25 to either find a job hopelessly, or to push them through one-size-fits-all training regimes or education. (And let's not forget that, if you go into further education, you're saddling yourself with student debt just to finance it)

It's goddamn selective helping. All these 25 year olds without benefits, still living at homes if they are unable to get into training, employment or education.

You don't even think of the parents who are hard-off, who will now be unable to gain anything from that dole money from the children who do pay a portion of it towards their parents: You are just saddling the poorer parents with another mouth to feed, more money to spend.

Look, let's bloody face it: By removing dole from the under-25's, you have essentially just shattered the leg of the economy. Yes, you're saving a few bob, but who is actually helping to stimulate the economy? Remove benefits permanently, and now you have an economic black hole, an entire group of people unable to contribute to the economy and thus unable to stimulate it.

Then you have their parents who will be burdened down further, and that's even less money being pumped into the economy.

And then, by pushing them into the training programs, which aren't funded by wishes and sparkles and goddamn unicorns, you're just spending more money training them up ONLY TO FORCE THEM INTO A HOSTILE ECONOMY WITH MORE UNIFORM SKILLS THAT AREN'T HELPING AND WILL NOT HELP THEM FIND A JOB IN THE LONG RUN!

Not only that, but if you remove the dole.....how can you expect young people to actually relocate for jobs?

For a lot of young people, relocation within Britain is a viable option. Why? Because if their job (Typically, these days) is unsecured, they get shoved onto a zero hours contract or they simply get cut off, they can at least be offered some help as they try and keep on the job ladder. Remove that, and not only do you essentially keep an entire generation pinned down in their homes, unwilling to take the risk of moving away since they know that, if the worst happens, they will have ZERO support, but you risk driving a wedge between the chasm in rich and poor.

I'd like to think that, if Britain wasn't so cowardly and complacent, such a move, essentially pinning the poorest of society into unemployed areas (Note that I have the North of England in mind here) and therefore outright robbing bright young children of the chance to relocate securely and being able to contribute to the growing economy, in lue of the rich who would be able to move around and swallow the jobs up without a care, would send Britain spiralling into a class-fuelled revolution, an outright rebellion.

Won't happen, but it might. It's a dangerous game Cameron is playing.

There is no thought of consequences. It's lazy attempts to make the papers by taking a common enemy, the unemployed, and victimising them even further. It's become a sport for Tories and Brainless Britons to victimise the unemployment, believing it to be a choice rather than an effect, but it's reaching such levels now that it's becoming ludicrous.

It's a hypocritical paradox spewed out by the Tories: How has no-one picked up on the fact that one day, Cameron will be laughing along, chortling and saying that he is on OUR side, proposing to drive forward the house market and get young people into their first houses, then the next day, he plans to hack away benefits for ALL under-25's, even if they suffer an unexpected job loss, thus meaning they'll have no leg to stand on in that new house when it comes to paying back the mortgage HE wants to offer them?

It's complete insanity! Cameron operates on the deluded mindset that a job is for life, and not a temporary fix in a hostile economy. He must honestly believe that anyone who finds a job will stay in it for years, even though statistics consistently tell us otherwise.

Michael Gove stated "It's important also that we all recognise that welfare is there explicitly to help those people through hard times that it shouldn't become habituated."

But by removing ALL welfare for under-25's, regardless of recent job losses or not, then you immediately relinquish the right to say that you are helping people through hard times.

You are choosing who to help. You are not helping people in hard times.

At the end of it all, they are now forcing people into one-size-fits-all schemes (Which, as I explored in my last entry, does not work.) or else outright removing their dole if they're under 25, or forcing them through education to burden them with debt, and then acting surprised when they're squeezed out the other end into a hostile job market, only to find that the job market isn't blooming and is still completely and utterly hostile unless you live further South

It's an illogical mess, constructed around an idea that people choose the dole, and the belief that everyone can find a job the moment they leave training, education or an apprenticeship.

David Cameron and his party have become hostis humani generis: An enemy of the human race.

Their plans consist of the same recycled tripe of blaming youngsters, hacking away their means of financial support, and then looking surprised when the economy chokes and dies.

I weep knowing that my family will still be here, in a country that is consistently out of touch with the unfolding reality around them, having to rely on media propaganda and lies to teach them everything about actual occurrences, rather than using their own minds.



Oh, and in concerns to another news story: That of the Daily Mail chastising and taunting Ed Miliband's dead father, and bringing him up as the man who hated Britain..

..I hate Britain too, Daily Mail.

Come and get me.

But you won't, because i'm still alive to fight back.

Nazi sympathising, blackshirted, vitriol-spewing inbred cowards.

Between our press and our politicians, is it no wonder those who can are fleeing the country?