XX - Chug Acid, Will You?

Ah, charity. Is there nothing more that warms the cockles? There's nothing more heartwarming or more inspiring than sitting down during dinner and hearing "LITTLE MEELA HAS TO WORK 30 MILES EVERY SINGLE DAY TO FETCH WATER. DONATE FIVE POUNDS A WEEK OR SHE'LL DIE."

Beautiful. One hundred percent guilt-tripping.

Now, before anyone thinks this blog entry is railing against charity itself, let me say this:

I actively support the British Royal Legion. Sure, they have adverts and they send out letters, but they're not whiny or sodomizing. I actively regret not donating to the Legion because those men and women fought for our freedom. I just wish they made it so I could donate ten pound and be given a free trip to give hugs to the brave servicemen and women whom the charity helps.

They conduct themselves in a dignified way. Even when they're in the streets around Remembrance Day, shaking the box and setting up stands, they don't actively dance around and go "HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY STOP".

Which is what I hate about those wanking fucking sodomites and lackwits from every other charity.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not railing against charity ITSELF. But here's the thing:

1) If you run a charity, I respect your cause.

2) Nothing but respect for the people who put their money where their mouth is and actively getting involved with the actual people the charity is helping.

3) If you're one of these young hipster cunts dancing in front of people, you are the problem. You are the British cancer. You are the heart disease. You are pretty much everything wrong with the country.

Today, I have got those young bastards and lackwits in my sights and how I wish they were iron sights, because I would pull the trigger. If it was legal, I would legitimately choke the life out of every one of those bastards I saw.

You know the type: Young, possibly students, or maybe homeless. They wear those stupid shirts of their charity and they might carry around an item related to it. Usually it's the binder (I call it "The Binder Of Mugging English Bastards") they carry. They have shitty hairstyles and their attitude is neurotic.

So, what happened? Well, I faced one of these cunts. Danced in front of me. I was tired. I had finished work. Naturally, these parasitical leeches see you, see you want to get home, and latch onto you like fucking ticks. So I was feeling off, I was tired, and naturally they danced in front of me. I had my head down. I could see their feet. They were literally blocking me in.

You can see why I advocate stabbing these fucking wastes of carbon.

So I raised my head. Naturally, I knew my bus was coming, and I was going to be late. Despite trying several times to walk away and gave off body language that should say "Leave me alone or I will put you through the nearest window and tear off your flesh with my teeth", I conceded. I am a man who cannot say no, and it is a personality flaw I possibly inherited from being genuinely polite and reserved in actual life.

So, naturally, I said yes. And just gave my details before walking off quickly.

Is it my fault? Yep. Is it also that parasites fault for guilt-tripping me, literally blocking me in and having it be illegal to punch them right in the face? HELL YES.

I'm sick of this garbage. Sick of being guilt-tripped. Sick of them practically being able to mug you and get away with it. I'm sick of my personality for not saying "no" and i'm sick of them for taking advantage of it.

How many other tired people, coming home from work, have been stopped by these leeches and ticks and done the same thing as me, just desperate to get them to stop following you?

Why can't we shoot them?

I have nothing but respect for charities. I have nothing but disdain from the vultures who peck at carcasses and vomit up gristle for their masters. If people look hesitant, stop fucking bothering them. Don't do the whole guilt trip shit, either. Don't press them into doing it.

Or else it should be legal to shoot them.

I'm all for good causes, but I support charities based on what I want, not on the young hipster douchebags stopping me. I've rarely seen a person from Zoe's Place shake a box under my nose or throw themselves in front of me. Same with countless other charities.

People should join because they want to, not because you're hurling shit at them. Like these stupid charity adverts featuring dead and dying animals or dying little children in Africa. I hate this because, fuck, there's starving people in Britain. Child malnutrition, in particular, is through the roof.

But this isn't even me: There are countless articles out there highlighting that these vile street muggers, 'chuggers', are doing this shit constantly to rake in money from people like me. And what a surprise: One of the names highlighted, Marie Curie Cancer Trust, is one of those accused of shitty underhanded tactics. The same charity that got me.

And I would rather staple my testicles to a ferris wheel than give these 'chuggers' my money.

It is things like this which will stop my personality from being in two halves: The polite and reserved person in real life and the scathing, bile-spewing reactionary online. It's going to create some kind of monster, and i'd love to unleash it on these muggers.

If you're a 'chugger', you are part of the problem and I hope you keel over dead and burst into flames. I really do. You may be young, but you are forcing people who just want to get on with their lives to donate money to a cause which is a dime in a dozen. They could be giving their money to actual homeless people or charities who do not employ underhanded tactics.

Instead, they're giving it to these parasites.

Now, if you excuse me, I have a Direct Debit to cancel.