Today, the Coalition unveiled plans for dealing with the long-term unemployed.
Today, a gigantic thunder clap was heard over Northern England, believed to be millions of palms simultaneously hitting foreheads.
The two are believed to be connected.
In the latest batch of Workfare at todays Conservative Party Conference, the government has laid out further plans for their assault on the long term unemployed: Work Programme isn't working? Mandatory Work Activity isn't working? Unleash the Community Action Programme on steroids!
I have little compassion for David Cameron, though even I will have to admit that Cameron is trying to do his best and only following party rules, having inherited a sinking, rotten ship that was burdened with debt thanks to Labour's policies of "We're in debt? Let's borrow more!". But for me, George Osborne and Iain Duncan Smith have little redeeming qualities. Osborne is an odd chap, what I assume a clothes store mannequin would look like if it had a face that resembled a cross between The Krankies and a potato, who seems to be insanely out-of-touch with the actual reality of the economic situation, but at least he seems to hate Iain Duncan Smith, which makes him an actual human being in my eyes, while Iain Duncan Smith could only be redeemed if he was locked in solitary in Broadmoor with ten other sex-starved, 30 stone-plus violent and psychotic inmates for a month, and even then you'd be hard-pressed to find a person afterwards whose hand wouldn't snap like a twig before they tired of punching him in his vapid, dummy-like face.
Essentially, the new governments plans are simple, and on paper, are inviting: From April 2014, you take the long term unemployed (which, in Tory speak, is those unemployed for around three years and have failed to find a job through the governments Work Programme which is still not doing enough to actually help the situation for many people), and do one of three things with them:
- Force them into 30 hours per week Community Service (Picking up litter, visiting old people, watching as they throw themselves under buses)
- Force them to visit the Jobcentre every single day to apply for work
- The Mandatory Intervention Regime, which legitimately sounds like a program the KGB would run for rooting out INSURGENTS AGAINST THE GLORIOUS MOTHERLAND, but is in fact designed to get those who are illiterate, addicts, generally helpless etc; into work by targeting their problems.
The Tories are promising its the former, it's clearly the latter.
And herein lies the problem: It is based off the false assumption that every single Jobseeker is a lazy and shiftless bag of crap who doesn't want to work, is only claiming benefits for the sake of a free handout, and is based around the laughable idea that community service + forced work experience = immediately hirable employee.
Firstly: No, not every Jobseeker is a lazy and shiftless bag of crap. It's a sad fact that there are people who abuse the system: The chavs wearing grey tracksuit bottoms who spend every penny of dole money on large televisions and Stella, rather than on trainfare and busfare trying to find work, but it's a sad belief that the people of Britain think this applies to everyone.
By shunting people into community work, you're not helping them. You're making them into personalised butlers. Osborne probably walked down London, kicked aside some glass, and thought "If only these darned ruffians cleaned the streets!"
Lightbulb.
So Osborne implemented it. But doing so only removes time applying for jobs for the long term unemployed, and it's a blanket solution: You are giving them only a few transferrable skills, and giving it to a wide range of people. That congests the job market and, inevitably, sets the unemployed back to square one. The problem in the jobs market isn't necessarily that there are a lack of jobs: Indeed, hard enough searches reap rewards, but that people don't have the right set of skills for the time. Right now, there are a plethora of construction and IT jobs out there, waiting to be filled: So instead of shunting them into utterly useless forced community work, why not give them placements in construction or IT, or training if they don't have the skills? If they do, why not incentivise employers to take them on? Why not try and help re-train them or train them further?
I'm sorry, but does that make too much sense? It's almost like you'd actually be helping people rather than forcing them into a blanket scheme.
The second point, being forced to attend the Jobcentre everyday......The less said about that, the better. I'll get onto that later.
Community work. What pointless tosh. I assume they'll dress them up in orange overalls, too. Once again, the criminalisation of unemployment under the Coalition government marches on.
But, you could always refuse it. And people will. You have people giving up and signing off, throwing their hands up and finally admitting its too much. Again, the eyes of naive Britons, it's beautiful: The dole-scrounging apes have finally gone! NOBODY GETS SOMETHING FOR NOTHING!
Except now you have a black hole in the economy: Tell me, how are those apes supposed to contribute to the economical growth and repair of the country? They no longer have an income, so they're not driving any growth into the economy. They are, even more so, a drain on society. Unless they die, in which case: Hey, whatever.
Oh George, it's so beautiful on paper.
So utterly moronic in practice.
I will throw my hands up and admit that, as a basic idea, Workfare is needed, and if I ever get told that i'll be forced into work by the Jobcentre, I'll take it because right now, i'd suck up pennies from the sewer with my mouth for some spare cash. And y'know what? I do agree that more should be done to deter the actual welfare sponges from claiming welfare. But it's not a solution for actual long term unemployment. Not a solution for those truly desperate for work. Anyone who thinks it is, is a complete fucking imbecile with the intelligence of a grapefruit. It's like putting a plaster on a gaping neck wound, or bandaging an arm that's fallen off.
And the fact that the British people eat it up and believe it to be the choice for healing our broken society shows me that anyone with any semblance of intelligence or heart is escaping this forsaken island in search of a better and brighter home.
Workfare is not stemming the tide of long-term unemployed. It's trying to, and failing to, choke the problem dead. By throttling every single long-term unemployed person into a one-size-fits-all policy, you aren't helping ANYONE. You're discouraging and outright killing the people your supposed to be helping. Yes, people should take whatever job they have and be goddamn grateful for it, but when you are throttling every single person into one category, that's not helping: That's just exploiting fillable holes in a fragile labour market. That's covering your eyes with your hands and thinking that sweeping it all under the rug makes it go away.
And when the person comes out of Workfare, what then?
The British people presumably believe that's it. Once the person comes out of Workfare, instant job and no longer a burden.
Bless them. Such a naive race.
Nope, what you've got is a person with experience, who joins several other people with experience. What you've essentially done is congested the jobs market even further by giving people the same uniform skills and not played to their strengths or given them something sellable: You have, once again, filled the jobs market with potential jobseekers with the same goddamn skills.
It's madness.
And so, back to visiting the Jobcentre everyday.
What does that have in common with everything else the government vomits out?
One size fits all.
One size fits all doesn't work, and the DWP does not understand this simple fact. The jobs market is suffering because there just aren't people with employable skills. When you have post-graduates unable to go on Apprenticeships, and when your solution to long term unemployment is community service, you are doing something wrong as a government. Why not take those graduates and offer them a program to give them skills in Construction or other highly-sought-after skills? Why not take the long-term unemployed, set aside a fund dedicated to getting them into work (ie; incentivising companies to actually take on long-term unemployed. If you can set aside money to force people into community service, surely you can set aside money to entice companies to hire or even just train long-term unemployed with actual highly-sought skills.) and do something about it rather than throwing them into a pit and going "MAKE MEALS FOR THE ELDERLY, OR YOUR BENEFITS DIE!!!"?
Statistics show that those who do go on workfare, around a quarter find a job for up to three months. Only 14.7% found themselves in work for at least six months.
This isn't helping, Britain: What do you think happens after workfare? They just return to benefits.
And the problem isn't solved. It just becomes a vicious cycle.
And you think it helps?
You idiotic fools.
Give them personalised help, not this utter tosh the Jobcentre offers in the shape of one-size-fits-and-helps, with the idea being that unemployment is a choice and taking benefits of a choice.
Actually offer help. In Denmark, where unemployment is notoriously low, they spend 1.3% of their GDP on helping the unemployed get into work. How? Personalised help. They don't smother it with a blanket, they offer vocational training and further education for those in dire need of it. They help with job searching in general for the person: Not just a "Here's a job, apply or we axe your benefits", but "Here's a few jobs that will suit you better." They get special support. And y'know what? They reap the benefits: Look at the UN's World Happiness Report 2010-12, where's Denmark?
HEY, LOOK, IT'S FIRST!
And based on it's GDP, Social Support, Freedom to make life choices, Healthy life expectancy, and lack of corruption. In fact, the trend is strong amongst Scandinavian countries where they actually strive to help the unemployed! Norway is second, Sweden is fifth, and Finland (Though whether you agree its technically Scandinavian or not..) is seventh.
Where's the UK?
22.
Give yourselves a pat on the back.
The moment the government acts to lower unemployment, rather than smothering the unemployed, the sooner it will help. The sooner it becomes clear the government wants to help rather than demonise, the better. The sooner the British public pull their heads from their rears and view their unemployed with dismay rather than contempt, the better. The sooner we can actually help, the better.
But that would require work, and wouldn't demonise Jobseekers, so the Tories cannae do that.
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